Nicole Nyaba opens up about childhood trauma and mental health struggles

Nicole Nyaba opens up about childhood trauma and mental health struggles.

Model and former girlfriend of the late rapper Kiernan “AKA” Forbes, Nicole Nyaba, has shared a deeply personal account of a life shaped by instability, unresolved family wounds, and an ongoing battle with her mental and emotional well-being.

Born in Durban under complicated circumstances, Nyaba says her earliest days were marked by uncertainty.

“My biological mother didn’t have an ID at the time, and my father was living in another township. I was born in town by luck,” she explains.

Although she is a South African citizen and carries her father’s surname, Nyaba grew up moving between the Ndlovu and Nyaba families, as her parents were never married.

Belonging to two households, she says, never meant feeling safe or rooted.

“I’m a member of both families, but I never felt like I truly belonged anywhere. I took my father’s surname because he did have a hand in my upbringing. But that didn’t mean life was stable.”

Raised mainly in Clermont and Umlazi, Nyaba describes a childhood filled with fear and emotional restraint.

“I grew up curious but very afraid. I was always scared of getting myself into trouble, even as a child at home,” she recalls. With time, she began to understand that many of her early experiences were not normal. “There are things that happened to me that I’m only now realising were not okay.”

That lack of safety followed her into school and adulthood, affecting how she learned and related to others.

“Learning was always a challenge for me. Not because I wasn’t capable, but because I lacked something fundamental, that sense of safety and grounding,” she says.

“I felt like I was missing what connects you to life and to other people.”

Within her extended family, Nyaba says her pain was often dismissed or overlooked.

“In the Ndlovu family, it was just me and my mother. In the Nyaba family, people went on with life as long as what happened to me didn’t affect them,” she says, adding that she was made to feel as though being left behind was normal.

One of the most painful memories she carries is the death of her uncle, Nkosinathi Emmanuel Ndlovu, whose passing was reported as a suicide.

“That loss left too many unanswered questions,” she says. “It affected more than just one person, it affected the entire family.”

By late 2024, Nyaba says her mental and emotional state worsened significantly.

“I’ve been trying to hold myself together since November 2024, because that’s when everything got worse,” she shares. “I feel weak at times. I live in fear — fear of my death, fear of what comes after, and fear of being attacked emotionally and mentally.”

She believes years of emotional neglect left her exposed and unprotected.

“My mistakes were used against me, even though I didn’t fully understand what was happening to me at the time,” she says. “I wasn’t guarded or protected enough. And some of the harm came from people I trusted, family, friends, and communities.”

Her distress became visible to the public in December, when she shared a deeply troubling message on social media, describing years of “suffering in silence.”

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